How Do I Know I Have a Vocation to the Abbey?
“Mom, how did you know when you’re supposed to marry someone?” Asking my mother this question as a child is a moment that I have often returned to in considering my own call to be a monk. It has helped me understand something key: the end goal of my life. My mother replied that one marries the person that will help you get to heaven. This was a revelation for me at the time: I was under the impression a man had to find the nearest Snow White or Sleeping Beauty.
My horizon was vertically expanded because of my mother’s response in this moment. This is the first step in answering the question in the title of this article: does the monastic life here at St. Benedict’s Abbey have the capacity to bring me to my ultimate end? Is it a good way to follow? This is followed by three considerations that are increasingly interior and require increasing levels of discernment: am I capable of living the monastic life? Am I free enough to pursue it? Finally, do I have a desire for the monastic life given to me by God? We’ll tackle each of these briefly in turn.
It’s of supreme importance to remember the end for which the monastic life here at St. Benedict’s Abbey exists: St. Benedict has laid out a pathway that can be followed in the company of Jesus Christ, by his strength, with the fraternity as both a support and a trial that can foster and lead to growth in this monastery that brings a man now to holiness and eventually to heaven. This is an end that is realized fully, truly, gloriously in eternity through union with the Triune God and is meant to be anticipated joyfully, hopefully, ascetically here on earth in communion with Christ the Bridegroom and his Bride, the Church. The essential proposal for our life here involves receiving our life and strength as a gift from God in our prayer life, both in the liturgy and in lectio divina. The apostolic works of our Abbey, whether pastoral, educational, or ministerial are fueled and vivified by prayer. If there’s a perception of and an attraction to the good of this then the further questions will follow.
Capability is something that is strangely both limiting and freeing. Having a right understanding of one’s own capability can save one from a load of headaches and a world of heartache. Here, it involves asking questions that may seem really basic. Can I hold down a good job? Can I take care of myself and help take care of others? Can I show up for things reliably, especially early in the morning? Can I enter into friendships with my peers that are mutually life-giving? Can I relate with my elders and juniors with care, respect, and patience? Sometimes it’s easy to forget that the monastery is full of men that are also in need of healing. Benedict was mindful of this, as we know from his chapter on the good zeal of monks: “They should each be the first to show respect for the other, supporting with the greatest patience one another’s weaknesses of body or behavior…” As Jesus taught in scripture, it is key to count the cost to really know if one can do these things. If I can, then we move onto our next questions.
Freedom is a multifaceted reality because it incorporates each aspect of our being. There’s a difference also between this and holiness: sufficient freedom is necessary for discernment, whereas perfect holiness is not. St. Ignatius of Loyola said that for good discernment, it’s a must that one be like a balance at equilibrium with respect to the potential outcomes. This doesn’t mean an attitude of uncaring indifference, but it means caring deeply about the most important thing: that what’s followed is the course laid out by God that will lead back to him. Freedom is also different from capacity because it’s more something that can be grown into. Immaturity, habitual sin, selfishness, and even some psychological issues could be areas of growth that, by grace and a man’s cooperation can become maturity, virtue, self-gift, and wholeness of mind. At times there’s a journey that can feel quite long that needs to be undergone in order to arrive at a place where discernment can truly begin, but the work is indispensably necessary for discernment to happen at all.
The last question has to do with interrogating one’s desire. Benedict says in his Rule to “test the spirits to see if they are from God.” (RB 58:2) This is twofold: it cannot be taken for granted that just because one has a desire for the life that one has received a vocation to it; nor, indeed, can a superficial aversion to it be taken as proof negative. This is where the work of discernment really begins. For this a man must have a steady, dedicated prayer life and be in conversation with a spiritual director. The former is necessary for openness to God, the latter as an external reference for greater clarity and certainty. Together they form the man discerning in the docility to the Spirit, humility, fortitude, generosity, obedience, and perseverance that the monastic life will increase in him and ask of him.
Do you know a young man that “longs for life and desires to see good days?” (RB Prol: 15) Do you know a man that has a desire for monastic life that’s complemented by foundational capability and growing freedom? Pray for his vocation and, if you know him well, share your connection with the Abbey with him. Who knows? God has a unique plan and calling for each of our lives and it may be that God’s calling him to be a monk here.
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